Saying No, Meaning It and Being Happy About It
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As toddlers, "No" was our favorite word. We said it every day – shouted it, in fact. But as we grow up, we realize that "No" can’t be the answer to everything and that sometimes in life you must do something you don’t really want to do. However, sometimes "No" is the right answer – if your daughter wants an outrageously priced cell phone because all her friends have it, if you’re overextended at work and someone asks you to add one more thing to your list, if you’ve done one too many favors for a friend who refuses to help herself. No matter whom you have to say it to, your kids, your boss, or a friend, here are a few tips to saying "No" assertively, professionally and courteously, and being content with your decision.
- You never have to say "No" right away. Whenever someone asks something of you, you always have the right to ask if you can think it over. This will give you time to weigh whether you have the time/money/will power to help that person, and to formulate a response.
- When you do say "No," be sure your actions match your words. Don’t let your tone or body language come across as wishy-washy. Look the person in the eye, shake your head, say "No" and simply explain why you cannot do what they’ve asked. Practicing your response in the mirror might help you say it more confidently.
- Make "No" the first word of your response. It’ll be easier to stand your ground and stick to your decision. It’s sort of like ripping off a bandage. When you commit and do it quickly, it won’t seem so bad.
- If you’re saying "No" to someone you would typically help under different circumstances, a little empathy goes a long way. They’ll appreciate, but won’t feel slighted by, your honest answer.
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What others are saying
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Dianna, 7/18/2009 9:46:03 AM
I am finally learning to say NO after 60+ years.I found the article helpful except I would like to know why we need to give an explanation for saying no. How about just No, but thank you for asking me.or No, not at this time ????????? I like "No" as the first word tho' as that is the hardest word to say and to get it out and over with seems to help! Thank you for your article! -
CJ, 7/18/2009 7:30:46 PM
Great article! I have a hard time saying "no" especially when it comes to doing tasks at work. -
Michele, 7/18/2009 10:32:52 PM
No explanation is needed. A polite "no" is all you need. It took me years to learn this and I still have to work at it but it is not necessary to do things you don't want to do or don't have the time for. Better to say no than to be roped into something and doing it with a bad attitude. We are not liked better because we have spread our time thin. Thanks for the article we all need this reminder. -
Susan, 7/19/2009 4:41:01 AM
After many, many years of saying yes and seem to be taken for granted , being able to say NO is refreshing. -
Julie, 7/19/2009 6:31:26 AM
This is great advice.Too bad whenever I say no I'm told that I'm being "selfish" now!
Good thing guilt no longer works on me. -
Crystal, 7/28/2009 1:49:26 AM
Why do people like to call others selfish in order to get what they want? It is the person asking you to do something that is being selfish because they want to gain from you instead of doing something theirselves. -
Anissa, 11/12/2009 12:22:32 PM
I have just started learning to say no. It is just so hard. I am a stay at home mom, so when anyone needs something I am the one they call. I just wish they would call when they don't need something. I am so glad to know that I am not alone on this issue.
thanks everyone
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