Lessons in Dating for You and Your Daughter

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Dating as a single mom can be difficult, especially with a teenage daughter who's dating as well. Here are a few tips on how to set a good example for her, and help guide her through this exciting and emotional time.

When it comes to your dating life, you should

Be choosy. Of course, you already are when it comes to whom you date. But dating someone with a good personality and admirable qualities sets a great example for the type of person you expect your daughter to date.
Be the adult. Don't stay out later than you say you will. If you expect her to follow the dating rules you set for her, you should abide by them as well.
Tell her how it went, if she asks. If he did something nice, tell her about it. If he did something you didn't care for, you can share that, too. She should know what a real date is like and how you expect to be treated.

When it comes to her dating life, you should

Know who she's dating. Have her ask him to show up a few minutes early so you can meet him, or invite him over for dinner. You want to show your daughter that you are interested in her date, and you want to show her date that you're an actively involved parent.
Know where they're going and when they'll be home. If she has a curfew, make sure he knows it.
Ask her how it went. She's probably excited to tell you about it anyway, but it's important that she know she can talk to you about anything that happened - good and bad.
Help her through the tough times. Let her know that it's O.K to speak up if he's done something she doesn't care for. When it comes to breakups, help her practice what she'll say, if she's initiating it. If he broke up with her, be her shoulder to cry on. Tell her that you know it hurts (we all know that feeling), but that things will get a little better each day. She'll need you as a mother and a friend, so watch some girly movies together, go shopping or go out for ice cream, and keep a good dialogue going.

If you found this helpful, these articles and forums might help, too:
Article: Mom & Daughter Changing Together
Article: Five Friends Every Woman Needs
Forum: Romantic Relationships

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What others are saying

Cas, 2/21/2009 1:02:34 PM
I don't have to worry about this subject for a few years...my daughter is only 3. It is so easy thought to think you have all the time in the world, then one day you stop and see you have no time at all. I know that one day my baby will come home with a boy and say she thinks she is in love. I have a huge obligation and privilege to teach her what true love is.
My point is teach by example. Live your life in front of your children. My plan is to still 'Date' my husband regularly and to take our children with us individually on occasion to show them how men and women should treat each other.

Just do your best at living the way you want your children to live. Live with a passion but also with responsiblility. And pray to God you don't screw up. Be mindful of these major life issues and be open. Talk with your children all the time, every chance you get. Ask questions be involved. Being a Mom is not rocket science, but it takes alot of thought and time and prayer.

Focus on having a relationship with your daughter...in good times and in bad...she will thank you for it. At almost 30, I am still so thankful to my Mom. I hope I can live up to what she has done for me. She is my hero...
shawn, 2/21/2009 3:43:03 PM
This is very helpful
Laurin, 2/23/2009 9:08:36 AM
I thought I did a great job with my daughter. Her first year of college she met this guy with a baby and baby mama. She snug out and dated him, I became very angry, I told her I do not mind U dating but I feel that U are imposing on the baby. I also told her to find someone on campus. But what I found out about this young man he did not graduate from college has bad credit and living in his mother basement with a part time job. He blame the baby on the baby's mother and the bad credit on his mother. Is something wrong with this picture
Ele, 2/23/2009 4:36:04 PM
Regarding your daughter Laurin. You should probably discuss with Laurin what her expectations are with this young man. If they are dating, is he able to at least pay for his share of the expenses. Does he expect her to have a relationship with the baby? Does she want to have a relationship with the baby? College age children should not have this responsiblity. Explain to your daughter that she should she not seclude herself to just dating this man since he already has a lot of responsiblities and is not independent. Explain that these are the "fun" years of dating and new experiences. Try to make it light but get your point across.
Good Luck!
PapioMom, 3/20/2009 11:07:35 AM
I made a mistake when I allowed my very immature 12 1/2 year old daughter to have an "in school only" boyfriend. She is only 16 months younger than my oldest daughter (yes, I only have two kids) who was also allowed to have an "in school only" boyfriend in the 7th grade but, she was emotionally more mature. The youngest daughter is obviously not emotionally mature enough to handle these relationships. My problem is that I don't know how to retract my permission without seeming unreasonable and arbitrary. Help!
Mimi , 3/24/2009 9:16:20 PM
I hope this helps i prob wont see ur next comment because i wont come back to this page but i hope this helps... Well i'm in the 7th grade and when i was in grade 6 i had this "secret" boyfriend we loved each other so much but i wasnt even aloud the havce a in school boyfriend -of course i didnt ask if i was aloud to i would get in trouble- the was the relationship ended was he cheated but i didnt find this out until a few months after w broke up... Well these other ppl in da school dared their friend to ask him out he said yes... and we broke up just b4 valentines day becasue of him... u prob shouldnt let her have a "in school" boyfriend becasue she will probably get hurt and wont know how to deal with it!!!
courtney, 4/23/2009 7:39:22 PM
i had a secret kinda bf in 5th grade, cuz the guy asked me to be his valentine, and i really liked him. we would pass notes and he gave me stuff. i asked my mom if i should say yes to being his valentine,but she said no, i was too young (i was only 11 at the time, im in 7th grade now and 13 yrs old) i said yes anyway. i felt bad about disobeying what my mom said, but i said yes because i was mad at her for telling me what i didn't want to hear. i think parents should be okay with "going out" because when you really like someone, you just want to be with them. parents shouldn't try to hold you back.
Jackie, 7/19/2009 8:54:14 AM
We have chosen Courtship for our daughters "dating" option. Would like to see this mentioned in your dating advice.
Thanks
India, 9/25/2009 10:22:32 AM
dating needs to be talked about from the onset of interest. My daughter asked why "kids can't date" at about 8. She saw kids on TV "dating" and thought it should be OK for her. I pointed out that dating is supposed to be a precursor to marriage and asked if she thought she was ready to pursue a lifetime commitment. She said no she just wanted to see more movies. I told her I could take her and her friends if another mom couldn't drive but that she should wait to date until it was more about her future than entertainment.
Being frank and honest is always better and I feel creates an environment of trust now that will work towards an easier teenage.
dalila, 1/10/2010 9:28:58 AM
i have twins they are 16 years old i have openly spoken to them about sex because i got pregnant when i was 17 one of my twins told me that she had sex with her boyfriend used a condom but then he later took it off and penetrted again i am waiting for the 10th day to see if she is pregnant the pediatrician told me that she could be pregnant she is is not even developed i am squeard to death and i do not even know what else to tell my daughter she said i was stupid and irresponsible know the other twin feels left out because she says i am paying more attention to her sister help i do not know what to do
Tracy, 2/20/2010 8:29:55 AM
I told my girls 13 & 15 that a boyfriend is okay, as long as they are supervised at my home. I know that if kids feel like they're in love they will most likely do what they want or keep it a secret. This way I can keep an eye on things. My 13 year old has not dated yet, but I'm guessing she will probably have a crush in the next year. It's best to keep the lines of communication open. I have dropped them off at the movies, but bottom line I don't want my girls in a situation where they are vulnerable and find it difficult to say no, or want to say yes. Walk in the room while they're on the phone, if they stop talking be on alert. Keep your kids safe and keep talking with them.
love uuuu 444 eva, 3/4/2010 8:38:21 PM
i told my mom i wanT A bf and she said no but i said it was ok and ill wait 2 have a bf SOMEDAY

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