Being Her Mom vs. Being Her Friend
When it comes to raising your daughter, it can be hard to separate being her mother from being her friend. You want to have a well-rounded and fun-loving relationship with her, but you also want to help her become the young woman you know she is capable of becoming. Here are a few tips on how to distinguish between the roles of “friend” and “mother,” and how to build a strong relationship with your daughter.
Listening
Listen to her stories, questions, dreams, thoughts and fears as you would for any of your friends. You want her to feel comfortable talking to you about any subject, even if it’s an awkward one. Respond as a parent would – always encourage her to make the right and healthy choice. Don’t be wishy-washy. Be firm and confident in your responses and decisions, and she’ll be more likely to respect and follow them.
Respecting Her Space
You can be friendly with her friends. But try to avoid acting young or cool so they will like you; this blurs the lines a little too much and may anger your daughter. Remember, they are her friends first. Also, don’t be offended if she chooses to spend time with her friends rather than with you. Be happy that she has a good group of girls to laugh and grow with. And take comfort in knowing that, since you two are close, some days she’ll choose you over her friends.
There may also be times that she just wants to be left alone. Remind her that if she wants to talk about anything at all, she’s more than welcome to come to you. If she does want to talk, that’s great. But if not, respect her space and privacy and give her some alone time. If the two of you communicate well, she’ll be ready to talk about it soon enough.
Spending Time Together
Being her mother instead of her friend doesn’t mean you two can’t have a great time, just the two of you. It’s healthy to joke around, laugh, shop, see movies, travel or just relax together. These are the times she’ll remember most when she’s older, and they will help her to become a wonderful mother, just like you.
The truth of the matter is that someday, when she’s an adult herself, you can be both mother and best friend. Until then, being a parent is the role she truly needs you to play.
If you found this helpful, these articles and forums might help, too:
Article:Lessons in Dating for You and Your Daughter
Article:Mom & Daughter Changing Together
Forum:Motherhood
What others are saying
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Barb, 5/11/2009 9:02:23 PM
I needed this helpful reminder - thanks. -
Debbie, 5/11/2009 10:12:57 PM
My daughters are in their 30's but this is the kind of relationship we have. I wish this article would have been around 8 years ago and also something for dad's. 10 years ago I remarried and since then I have been helping my husband raise his 2 girls, now they are 19 & 17. The oldest one was a problem from the start and moved to her mother's when she was 13. My husband has always tried to be the girl's best bud because he felt like he had to make up for their mother leaving when one was 2 yrs and the other one a few months old. I tried to explain that this was never going to work and could backfire, which it did. Neither one has much respect for either of us, they run all over their dad and no matter how hard I try to explain that there are better ways, he wants to make his own mistakes and now he is paying for it, we all are. An article like this would have been great to let him read! -
Kathy, 5/12/2009 7:33:32 AM
Hi,Great advise! I find this works with boys just as well!People are people and both deserve respect and guidelines.Keep up the good work. -
Maureen, 5/12/2009 7:43:10 AM
Thank you for this article, so many parents NEED to read this!!!!
Wonderful -
Denise, 5/12/2009 8:02:01 AM
This was a good article. I feel blessed because I do a lot of these things already with my daughter. I gained her confidence with me by telling her that she can talk to me about anything and that she could trust me by not discussing things with others. She talks to me about things that sometimes I wish I didn't know, but that is what makes our relationship that much more special. I can give her advice and she listens to me. She may not like it, but she knows that I wouldn't steer her wrong. -
Johanna, 5/12/2009 10:07:04 AM
Great articule. I do alot of things with daughter. Having her go away to college made it so hard for us because we are so close but the distance made us more closer and stronger. I am so bless that I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter. Not only is she my daughter but she is my bestfriend. Communication is the key. -
Marie, 5/12/2009 10:09:48 AM
Good article. Read it as the parent figure, then read it as the childfigure. Reflect on the relationship you had with your parent and your friends growing up. Now read it again, as the parent figure. There is little doubt this article will be helpful to all mothers and daughers and sons too. Share it with your husbands too! -
Cheri, 5/12/2009 11:24:37 AM
Excellent article. So many adults think that you should be pals with their kids and their friends. We are parents/adults first. My daughter is 14 and last night gave me a note telling me that she is glad she can always talk to me, and that I will give her sound input. She said sometimes she doesn't like what I have to say, but she knows I wouldn't steer her wrong. How awesome is that? Mother frist, friend second. -
Thank u, 5/26/2009 8:05:33 PM
Gee thank u sooo much for the advice!!!!!! U rock people!!! -
Amber, 6/27/2009 8:18:35 PM
I kinda wish my mom had read this when I was younger, because now that I'm 20 she doesn't know me AT ALL. I relies it's not her fault, because I have 9 brothers & sisters. However, sometimes I think she could have tried harder to be a friend instead of being "The person who yells at you," because after a wile I stopped trying to be a friend to her. So, to all the mothers remember to ALWAYS make an effort to talk to your daughter, and spend time with her. :) -
Jade, 7/5/2009 6:16:40 PM
I just wanna know how long a period lasts? -
Valerie, 8/27/2009 10:22:36 AM
I am thankful for this site. Support and advice is wonderful. -
Breyonna , 9/9/2009 6:05:08 PM
Hey this helped me alot on my essay about this topic!!!!! it is wonderful !!!!! -
13yr old Pain Reliever, 9/16/2009 2:17:22 PM
A lot of mom's don't know this but when your kids a teenager they actually would love hanging out with you.
i LOVE hanging out with my mom because we don't do it often
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